The upbringing of children is not so much about the child, but about the parents nonverbal communication as well as verbal communication! It is all about your behavior, because your behavior will determine the behavior and development of your child. You can trivialize or deny this statement all you want; however, it does not change the truth of it.

Negative Cycles of Parenting and Nonverbal Communication

As parents, we can sometimes be prone to feeling overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and inadequacy because we think that we are “not doing it right” or because children are masters at manipulating us to feel guilty. Furthermore, as parents, we may feel angry or fearful about our lives in general. These feelings can then influence the way we communicate with our children and thus begin the negative cycles of parenting.

So it is very important that you give yourself many compliments for all the great work that you do every day. In this way, we can build positive cycles of parenting.

Children are shaped by both nonverbal communication and verbal communicationnonverbal communication

In addition to a child’s inborn character traits and his or her genetic programming, your child will for the most part be shaped by your behavior, by the example you set with both nonverbal communication and verbal communication. Later on, teachers and peers will also contribute to this example function.

85% of an adults message is nonverbal communication

It is a well-known fact that almost 85 percent of an adult’s message is conveyed through nonverbal communication signals. With young children, that is probably almost 95 if not 100 percent! Certainly during the first years before they learn to speak, it is mostly nonverbal communication, and then as they learn to speak, verbal messages gain in importance. Yet, most educators feel that children learn mostly by watching, copying, and modeling nonverbal behavior of parents and peers!

Think about it. They learn by copying what they see and hear. Therefore, all that we wish to see in our children, we will have to model as a good example. In addition to that, all verbal statements that we make are a direct order for our child—a direct link to his or her subconscious.

You can find more on this subject in chapter four of “Oops, The Parenting Handbook“.