The Importance of Authoritative Parenting
‘And they lived happily ever after…’
Thus all fairy tales end, and it is a fitting finale to the essence of
your life as a parent.
Almost all parents want their children to be happy. They want them
to have good jobs, develop themselves, have nice friends, make lots of
money, have a nice partner, et cetera. Often, it all comes into being as
you had hoped that it would.
All too often, however, these good wishes are surpassed by all sorts
of other unfavourable developments: problems at home, problems at
school, strife, sadness, health problems, and later on problems with
alcohol, drugs, sex, criminal behaviour, et cetera. No parent would wish
for any of these problems for his or her child.
So why does it all too often end up going that way? My own extensive
experience, as well as that of many colleagues worldwide, shows us that
there is one parenting style that is very effective.
This is called authoritative parenting.
There are two more main styles: authoritarian parenting and
permissive parenting. Research and experience show us that the last
two parenting styles have many negative consequences.
The following is a summary of the three parenting styles and the
qualities they bring about in children.
• The parents are equal partners.
• They make mutual decisions.
• The children are consulted.
• Parents are experienced as being fair and reasonable.
• It leads to the following qualities and characteristics in children:
honesty, integrity, caution, articulate, trusting, courageous,
emotionally strong, exhibiting inner guidance, freedom,
discipline, resistance to peer pressure
Parents are too busy.
Children are not consulted.
It leads to the following qualities and characteristics in
children: dependence, outward orientation, low competency,
complaining, blaming, critical, low self-esteem, low selfconfidence,
• The parents use threats.
• The children are exploited.
• Hypocrisy is evident.
It leads to the following qualities and characteristics in children:
self-doubt, avoidance, low self-esteem, lying, violent behaviour,
bullying, verbal violence, insecurity, aggression/anger
This overview leaves no doubt: authoritative parenting is the ideal
parenting style. It is an ideal mix of rules and freedom, and a balance
between parental authority and input from the child
You can find more out about my parenting methodology in my book, Oops The Parenting Handbook.
If you would like a free coaching consultation with me click here to find my calendar.