Be willing to consider that the partner you have problems
with may still be a good parent for your child.
Furthermore, it is of the utmost importance that parents agree about
their parenting methods and Parenting style
! In the case of divorced parents, this is even
more important. Regrettably, most parents end up fighting over the
children well after the divorce is a fact. I cannot count the number of
intelligent, kind mothers I have seen in my practice who would all swear
as to how they would do anything to benefit their child. They would
agree wholeheartedly when I asked them if they had the consideration
of the children above all else.
Then, when arose the issue of custody or allocating time for the
father to spend with his children, they would turn like a leaf in the wind
and declare solemnly their reasons for not allowing the father custody
or for allowing him as little time as possible with his children. All of
a sudden, they were even willing to renege on their previous adamant
statements on the prime importance of the child’s well-being.
I had quite a hard time getting these mothers to realize the folly of
their tactics… because ultimately, there is only one thing that matters
to the child and that is in his or her best interest – time with both
parents! So, even if the other parent is a ‘’loser’’ of some kind by society
standards, as long as he or she does no harm to the children, then that
parent has equal right to spend time with them.
I am obviously stretching the point here, but the exaggeration can
be excused in light of the paramount importance of highlighting how
heart-breaking it is to see parents fighting out their frustrations over
divorce behind their children’s backs.
When you do agree on your parenting styles as parents, there
is always room for individual differences. And of course, there are
differences between men and women in their roles as parents, and that
Obviously, in the case of new partners and/or stepchildren, it is only
natural that there will be completely divergent approaches. Then it is
crucial to sit down and discuss common goals.
As a parent, you will need to keep developing your consciousness
in all that you do as well as in your motives. Take a good look at the
information above on the three parenting styles. As a parent-to-be,
you can evaluate what kind of behaviour or traits you would like your
children to have, and then gear your parenting towards that goal.
On the other hand, you can also observe the behaviour of your
children and then relate it to the following action plan.
• Practice what you preach, setting a good example above all else.
• Remember the two main pillars of successful parenting: love
and law. Then your parenting will most definitely result in all
the good things that you wish to develop in your children.
• Be kind to yourself and keep breathing.
You can find more out about my parenting methodology in my book, Oops The Parenting Handbook.
If you would like a free coaching consultation with me click here to find my calendar.